My Pit

It has been a rough week! There have been many, wonderful things going on that I have been truly blessed by, but there is also a huge struggle going on that makes me feel like I am teetering on the edge of Ouida's pit that she talked about.

I am in the midst of a character struggle. I have probably been involved in it for quite a while, but I could not see. In a way, I am glad that I see now because I can call out for help, in another way, ignorance is bliss! I have prayed for help, but it was seeming like help was no where to be found, but I knew that was not true so I kept on.

Last night, I locked myself in my bathroom, turned my worship cd up as loud as I could without setting off the house alarm and I cried for help. Now, we are not talking a couple of glistening tears fell down my cheek, no this was bawling at its finest! I begged God to step in and help me. I told Him that I could see now this was something I can in no way do on my own, no matter how much I want to. I pointed out that I knew this change was something that was in His will because His word tells me that. I stood on the promise that if we ask anything in His will, it will be done. I cried that I was falling into the pit and I cried out for a rope or something to grab onto (thinking of Ouida's talk Saturday). I told God that though I wish I didn't, I needed something to give me hope.

After about 30 minutes I came out, puffy faced and exhausted, but feeling a bit better. I went to bed, knowing the next morning I would get up and spend time with Him in His word and maybe I would receive the strength to begin to pull out.

I messed the clock up last night somehow and reset the time for the wrong time, thus my alarm went off at 6 instead of 5 so the morning was not looking promising! I spent time in the Word, but felt it irrelevant to what I was asking for. I tried to skip that step and go to Ouida's next step of thinking of all of the blessings I had, but my heart needed the confirmation I had pleaded for last night.

As I finished up my time with God, William walked in with something behind his back. Today happens to be my birthday. We are not big on gifts and such, but William said he had something to give me. This is what he pulled out...




Guess where the branch came from? Remember our faith tree ? William saved a branch a couple of months ago when he had it trimmed and has been working on putting the promise on it.

How is that for my rope??!!