Week Three!!!

What I have struggled with: This week was easier. I am still uncertain if that is a bad thing or a good thing. To be honest, knowing that I only have one more week helps. How pathetic is that!! I guess my struggle now is trying to figure out what I am going to take away from this and how that differs with what I thought was going to happen. When I began with this I really had planned on it being an exercise in simplicity and like a financial diet. I wanted us to appreciate what we were blessed with and hopefully to become better givers.

I think that happened in the first week to some extent. I don't really feel like we suffered any and maybe that is what I was expecting more of. This has been very hard, but not for the reasons that I originally thought.

It is easy to appreciate what you have when you have a lot. Frankly, even giving up what we did, we still have a lot. We don't even come close to feeling what those who hunger feel. As far as the financial aspect, there really has been no big change there either. Besides the large savings in groceries, this has just made me wonder how we survive when we do buy all of the junk. There has been no huge savings, probably because several little issues came up that had to be handled, car problems, camp deposits, etc.

So what am I trying to say here? This has not been at all what I had expected. I am struggling with that. When you don't get the desired results from an exercise is that exercise a failure. Maybe in some aspects I have failed with this, but I think there is more to it. I am not sure what that is yet, but I really think there is more.

What my family thought: Brianna has donated almost all of her babysitting money, so I hope that means that she is taking something away from this. I think for the most part, that our eyes are still on us and not Him.

What I have learned: When you look at someone and they are looking back at you, you maintain eye contact with them. When you look at someone and they are looking up, your gaze turns upward. How can I expect my children to maintain an upward gaze when they see me looking more at them?

What I want to learn: Father, keep my eyes on You this week. I can not do it on my own, no matter how hard I try and how much I want to. Cradle my head in Your hands and lift my eyes to You.

Week Two

What I have struggled with: I am still struggling with my selfishness and my inability to ask for help. I continue to be in awe of the things that come to light when you simplify life. I have really struggled to continue this. I think that is obvious by that fact that I went over a week without updating! I hate to admit, but for Mother's Day, I told William all I wanted was an ice cold diet coke from whataburger. How pathetic!! I did realize one thing, we have been still renting movies through all of this. You may wonder why I am just now realizing this, it is they draft out a monthly fee so we don't pay per movie and I had not thought about it!

I have noticed attacks from Satan during this as well. The night we were all to sleep on the floor with not mattress or pillows, I had a horrible back spasm so we passed on that activity. Last Friday we were to have our rice and beans day and I was sick with some type of stomach thingy so we skipped that one too. I really feel pathetic. If it were not for the fact that I have people asking me about this, I would have definitely given up by now.

God is working on me through this, that's for sure! I just hope that I learn and listen.

What my family thought: The girls were really bummed about missing the rice and beans day. I think we will try this again on Friday. Our plan was to have only 1/2 cup of rice for breakfast and lunch with 1/2 cup of beans. The babies of course would eat a normal meal. I wanted us to feel hunger for a few hours and get some good discussions going about it.

What I have learned: THANKFULNESS!!!! I am so thankful for the blessed life I lead. Many of the things I worry about are so trivial!

What I want to learn: I would like some direction in my life as a person, not a mom, wife or teacher, but for Kristi!

Week One!!!

What I have struggled with: I must admit that I am now getting restless. I found myself today thinking, hey I could just do this for another week, two would be enough! I think now that taking away the conveinences are starting to become part of our habits, some real issues are popping up. For one, my selfishness. I am seeing how easily and quickly I skip from thinking about others to thinking about myself and how things will affect my life. For example...I will bake dinner and bring it to so and so. That will make them feel better.....and they will like me more.

I really hate the fact that I fall into that so quickly. I am struggling with that a lot this week. I know that there is only one way to get rid of the selfish thoughts and desires, and that is to ask the Almighty for help, but frankly, I am afraid to do that. Instead I spend my time reading scriptures and thinking about what I can do to fix it and not asking Him for help. Why would I be afraid? you ask. I struggle with the mindset of when you ask God to change something in your life, He does it with a tragedy. My head knows that this is not truth, but my heart is not as knowing.

William and I were talking this week about an issue he was having with Kalli being sick and he told me about something he prayed for. The first thing out of my mouth was, "You don't pray with disclaimers!?" Now, I was slightly kidding, but largely serious. I pray with disclaimers like....God, please build my faith, but please don't teach me with anything involving my children or husband and could you also try to teach me in the small quiet way, I will really try and pay attention. I figure probably every parent feels this to an extent....do any of you feel like this?

Anyway, away from my ramblings and back on topic.....eerrr, I forgot the topic. Oh yes, my selfishness. Well, I am struggling with this right now. I am amazed at how when you peel some of the layers of your everyday life back, how quickly the issues show up!


What my family thought: I must say that I think they are doing better than I am. Brianna and Tori both have such sweet, giving hearts. They would honestly give up whatever was needed to help someone else. Brianna gave up having a birthday party or trip this year and gave her money to a christian group that goes to other countries to provide medical care. My Tori is always sticking up for the underdog! She is normally pretty shy, but when she hears someone speak a hateful word to someone else, she will speak up. Even my sweet Emaleigh left her first team practice this week and said she did not think she wanted to be with that team because they were not nice to one of the little girls on the team. I am so glad that despite my selfishness and all of my flaws, God have given my four babies a heart that yearns for Him.

What I have learned: When I let go of a part of my life to free up for Him, I try to fill it up with something else. This week I have been on the computer soooo much. Reading things, watching free shows. Though my reading was for good things and the shows were great, I am filling my time up instead of "being still and know that I am God." Which is one of my purposes of the exercise in the first place.

I will say though that William and I have had the time for some awesome discussions this week! More about that later :)

What I want to learn: Still the same, I want to yearn for God. I want to think of Him first thing when I wake up and last thing at night and all in between!

Thanks for sticking with me this long!!!

Day Four!!!!

What I struggled with: We were invited to a skating shindig and had to turn it down. That was kinda hard. Good thing is we suggested the park instead and that is now a go!

What my family thought: Williams main thought of the day is that "Heroes was awesome tonight!" What profound input he has. He wants to add that "It is better to burn out than to fade away." Whatever!!

What I have learned: Letting go a bit and letting God take control is kinda a good, freeing feeling. Tomorrow I hope to take some of my extra time (earned from not worrying so much) and get into the Word!

What I want to learn: I want to yearn for God the way I do for material things. I want Him to overtake my thoughts instead of thinking about "stuff"

Day Three!!

What I struggled with: Selfishness! I honestly had trouble giving the money we have saved thus far to church today. We had decided that was what we wanted to do with what we saved and I am ashamed to say that it was hard. I felt like I had sacrificed to get the money and I should be able to save it for myself. This is not the attitude I was wanting to develop from this! I also think I am spending too much time on what I can do to teach our family and myself through this and not letting God do and teach us what He wants us to learn from this.

What my family thought: William said it was hard for him today because there were several times he started to run out and buy something and had to stop himself. He is also wondering what we are going to do for date night tomorrow since we can't go out to eat :) I told him I am sure we can think of something :+)

What I have learned: I really need to make sure that I don't let this become something other that what it set out to be. One of our main goals in doing this is to simplify our lives more so that God can come through clearer. I may be making the act of simplifying more complicated than it needs to be. I think I am over thinking and planning and I need to sit back and let God be God!


What I want to learn: I would like to learn where I need to cut back on time obligations. The class that I went to that started this whole thought process, I have not been able to make it back to because of other obligations that have popped up! Pretty pathetic huh!!

Day Two!!!

What I struggled with: A couple of things have been on my mind today. First is that I don't want anyone to think that I honestly compare our little exercise to the millions that are starving and suffering. I just want our family to be thoughtful of those in circumstances other than ours. I also want us to look at simplifying our lives so we are more able to focus on what is important.

Second thing is how much I am already trying to justify cheating. I would think, just one quick stop or one little thing really is okay. Luckily I have Brianna to keep me on the straight and narrow.

What my family thought: Well, it hit the girls a bit more today. Tori wanted to buy a tshirt at her meet today. She accepted what we had all decided, but I think it was hard for her. Brianna helped me shop and cook today. When we do our biweekly grocery shopping, we usually stop at Starbucks first and we had to skip that. They are still really excited though. I think it is one of those things where you want to help, but don't know how. They feel like they are helping in some way.

What I have learned: Today I have learned about living and planning for not just today, but down the road. William and I talked about how when you strip away our conveniences, we are forced to stop and look at where we are and where we want to go. I think too often we just go down the road until it dead ends, never really knowing where we are at. Brianna and I talked about what need money fills for our society. She thought that it was a need for control. I can definitely see that.

New Category.....What I want to learn: I want to experience stillness. I want to be able to hear His still, small voice. That is hard to do amid such chaos.

Day One!

Whew! What a fiasco my quiet day with Kalli turned out to be!! Okay, let's see how day one went.

What I struggled with: It was so hard, after a long, rough day to not swing into Taco Bueno and pick up dinner. Again, it is the convenience thing. It is a bigger part of my life than I would have ever thought.

What my family thought: I am not really seeing much here yet. Today was mostly a trial for William and me. The girls are still really excited to be participating in this exercise. They will start to feel it more tomorrow afternoon when they have to help me in the kitchen with trying to get cooking and freezing done for the month. We decided to try and cut out convenience foods so we are making muffins, breads and granola bars as well as the dinners.

What I have learned:
1) Again, I rely too much on convenience products. I think this will be a huge struggle over the next 29 days.
2) Today as I drove with Kalli to the doctor, I thought about the moms in the world that can't just plop down a $10 copay and take their child to the doctor when their mommy radar says that something is wrong. I thought about all of the moms that have to sit and watch their child die of starvation or some other disease that is no big deal to us in the US. Today I have learned to be thankful that I have access to health care for my children.
3) Money, whether you have it or not, plays a big part in our lives. If we have it we are trying to figure out what to do with it, if we don't we are trying to figure out how to get it. What is it about money that we are looking for to fill in a part of us. Maybe to buy stuff. I don't think so, because we all know that the stuff is temporary. Possibly happiness and approval. I am really not sure. I guess it is something to think about!

I'll check in again tomorrow!!

Here Goes.....

It is with much fear and trepidation that I announce that today is the day we begin our 30 Days of Nothing. I am fearful of being held accountable for it!!

Today should not be too bad as the three older girls are off with their day to Bring Your Child to Work Day at his company. They were very excited to go, especially Emaleigh who has waited for two years to finally be old enough to go. Kalli was not thrilled that everyone left without her, but she is dealing.

Okay, lesson 1:

*I spend a lot of money on convenience How do I know that? Well knowing that I can't buy whatever has led me to spend hours trying to plan for the month. Mostly in the food department. I am going to try once a month cooking this month. That way I will cook from scratch, staying in the rules, but still be able to save some time during the week.

Wish me luck!!

30 Days of Nothing

The title of this post is a bit deceiving. It would best be called 30 days of less. Starting this coming weekend, our family is going to go through an exercise. We have decided what is necessary spending and we will attempt to buy nothing extra. Now, let me clarify necessary spending. Of course gymnastics is not necessary spending and could always be dropped, but since it is a skill that Tori is trying to develop, it would be disruptive to stop for only a month. I am talking more about the eating out, Starbucks, taking the tollway (for the girls and I), etc. It does not sound like a lot, but think it will end up being more than what we think. The girls are really excited about doing it.

Our purpose is two-fold, we want to remind ourselves how blessed we are at the same time turning our attention to the needs of others and frankly I am curious at how much money we throw away each month. I am going to use this blog to help hold myself accountable. We are going to have different activities as a family each week. Week one will be to have a beans and rice day. We will study they way that many people in other countries have no money for food and we will make a feeble attempt at seeing how it feels to have our choices to restricted to these staples. The next week we will wash one load of laundry outside by hand. Just another experience in less. The third week we will have a no electricity day. Cold water, candle light, cooking outside on the grill and no computer will be the highlights that day!! The girls are pretty excited about this day, but I think we will all be in for a little bit of a shock. The final week we will spend one night all together, sleeping on the floor. I am hoping that by doing these activities, we will not only turn our eyes towards others needs, but also see some of the benefit in some of these activities.

I heard about this from a fellow blogger and teacher of the Simplicity class I have mentioned before. I think we are all excited, but I must admit that I feel I have already cheated! In preparation for the month, I went ahead and bought us season passes to Hawaiian Falls and went and bought $300 worth of clothes over the weekend. Is that not pathetic!

I am praying that this will be a benefit to all six of us! I will keep you posted.

On to a different topic. What an awesome sermon we heard at church today. It was over how we need to notice people to make a difference. Not just out of the church but in as well. I reminded me of that song by Casting Crowns, "Does Anybody Hear Her".

Does Anybody Hear Her"

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

He is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

How different would our world be if we noticed people. I think of stories on the news and in the paper about people that have gone unnoticed until they cry out so loud that we can't help but notice. How many times have we ignored someone's cries because we don't take the time to hear them. I am so guilty of this. I pray that I will slow down and listen and notice people.

Well, enough for today!

Later :)

You know how excited you get when you reach the last hour of an eight hour drive? That hour seems to fly because you have entered familiar territory and you see an end in sight! That is how I feel today! First of all, tomorrow is the beginning of the weekend and then after this week, we have only 5 weeks of school to go!! Yoohooo!!! I am ready for an awesome summer with the girls. I don't think we are going to travel as much this summer, we are going to spend lots of time hanging out around here. I think Kalli is old enough this summer that we will be able to do more all together.

The girls received their awards for LTC last night. They were very pleased with the results, though a bit disappointed that chorus (yes, the one I directed) got a silver. I don't agree with the final result, but such is life. I told the girls that a lot of times we don't get what we deserve, and most of the time that is a good thing!

We were able to go to church last night for the first time in about three months. The girls had swimming and then gymnastics which made us unable to go. I had really been a bit restless with my church experience. We had talked about looking elsewhere for a place to attend. We have really discussed and prayed about the right thing to do. Our main concern was that our 12 year old and our 5 year old really have not found their "place". Brianna is pretty laid back and rolls with the punches, but it was really bothering Emaleigh (5). She does not seem to have any problems making friends anywhere except for at church. I must admit that when we invited everyone her age a year ago to her birthday party and only two even bothered to RSVP or come, I was pretty discouraged. She has never been invited to a birthday party of anyone her age at church except one sweet little boy! Pretty discouraging! Anyway, we have decided that we are needed where we are at and can use it as a lesson of what we should be with our church family. I do however hope that they can both find some friends there. I remember growing up that was where my best of friends came from! It was great to be back last night!

I attended a class last night about simplifying your life to further the kingdom. I have thought about simplifying before, in fact I have read many books about it, but never for the purpose of living a more Godly life! What a great thought! I really started to think about where we were in this picture. We have simplified our stuff. Every few months we go through and get rid of any excess and it feels pretty good. Last night has shown me though that we are hoarding something else now in its place, activities. We are gone all of the time and though it is for good things, how can we further the kingdom if we never slow down to experience it! I am really glad that I was able to attend this class. The girl that teaches it is such an inspiration! She had a baby just about 2 months ago and yet she is there, very prepared and ready to go. Boy do I feel bad about my whining about being too tired! I am going to start praying about where to cut back on our commitments and see what happens!

Well, I had given the girls a 5 minute break and I thought I would spend a couple of those minutes typing, but it looks like my 5 went into 10, so I guess I need to skat!

Later!!