Week One!!!

What I have struggled with: I must admit that I am now getting restless. I found myself today thinking, hey I could just do this for another week, two would be enough! I think now that taking away the conveinences are starting to become part of our habits, some real issues are popping up. For one, my selfishness. I am seeing how easily and quickly I skip from thinking about others to thinking about myself and how things will affect my life. For example...I will bake dinner and bring it to so and so. That will make them feel better.....and they will like me more.

I really hate the fact that I fall into that so quickly. I am struggling with that a lot this week. I know that there is only one way to get rid of the selfish thoughts and desires, and that is to ask the Almighty for help, but frankly, I am afraid to do that. Instead I spend my time reading scriptures and thinking about what I can do to fix it and not asking Him for help. Why would I be afraid? you ask. I struggle with the mindset of when you ask God to change something in your life, He does it with a tragedy. My head knows that this is not truth, but my heart is not as knowing.

William and I were talking this week about an issue he was having with Kalli being sick and he told me about something he prayed for. The first thing out of my mouth was, "You don't pray with disclaimers!?" Now, I was slightly kidding, but largely serious. I pray with disclaimers like....God, please build my faith, but please don't teach me with anything involving my children or husband and could you also try to teach me in the small quiet way, I will really try and pay attention. I figure probably every parent feels this to an extent....do any of you feel like this?

Anyway, away from my ramblings and back on topic.....eerrr, I forgot the topic. Oh yes, my selfishness. Well, I am struggling with this right now. I am amazed at how when you peel some of the layers of your everyday life back, how quickly the issues show up!


What my family thought: I must say that I think they are doing better than I am. Brianna and Tori both have such sweet, giving hearts. They would honestly give up whatever was needed to help someone else. Brianna gave up having a birthday party or trip this year and gave her money to a christian group that goes to other countries to provide medical care. My Tori is always sticking up for the underdog! She is normally pretty shy, but when she hears someone speak a hateful word to someone else, she will speak up. Even my sweet Emaleigh left her first team practice this week and said she did not think she wanted to be with that team because they were not nice to one of the little girls on the team. I am so glad that despite my selfishness and all of my flaws, God have given my four babies a heart that yearns for Him.

What I have learned: When I let go of a part of my life to free up for Him, I try to fill it up with something else. This week I have been on the computer soooo much. Reading things, watching free shows. Though my reading was for good things and the shows were great, I am filling my time up instead of "being still and know that I am God." Which is one of my purposes of the exercise in the first place.

I will say though that William and I have had the time for some awesome discussions this week! More about that later :)

What I want to learn: Still the same, I want to yearn for God. I want to think of Him first thing when I wake up and last thing at night and all in between!

Thanks for sticking with me this long!!!