What I have struggled with: This week was easier. I am still uncertain if that is a bad thing or a good thing. To be honest, knowing that I only have one more week helps. How pathetic is that!! I guess my struggle now is trying to figure out what I am going to take away from this and how that differs with what I thought was going to happen. When I began with this I really had planned on it being an exercise in simplicity and like a financial diet. I wanted us to appreciate what we were blessed with and hopefully to become better givers.
I think that happened in the first week to some extent. I don't really feel like we suffered any and maybe that is what I was expecting more of. This has been very hard, but not for the reasons that I originally thought.
It is easy to appreciate what you have when you have a lot. Frankly, even giving up what we did, we still have a lot. We don't even come close to feeling what those who hunger feel. As far as the financial aspect, there really has been no big change there either. Besides the large savings in groceries, this has just made me wonder how we survive when we do buy all of the junk. There has been no huge savings, probably because several little issues came up that had to be handled, car problems, camp deposits, etc.
So what am I trying to say here? This has not been at all what I had expected. I am struggling with that. When you don't get the desired results from an exercise is that exercise a failure. Maybe in some aspects I have failed with this, but I think there is more to it. I am not sure what that is yet, but I really think there is more.
What my family thought: Brianna has donated almost all of her babysitting money, so I hope that means that she is taking something away from this. I think for the most part, that our eyes are still on us and not Him.
What I have learned: When you look at someone and they are looking back at you, you maintain eye contact with them. When you look at someone and they are looking up, your gaze turns upward. How can I expect my children to maintain an upward gaze when they see me looking more at them?
What I want to learn: Father, keep my eyes on You this week. I can not do it on my own, no matter how hard I try and how much I want to. Cradle my head in Your hands and lift my eyes to You.
2 comments:
I LOVE the quote about looking upward. I am going to imprint that on my heart. I've been trying to lead a more deliberate life as far as showing my kids the Lord at work in our lives and this is exactly what I want to implement.
As far as an exercise being a failure if it doesn't turn out as you expect- I don't think so at all. You guys are very brave to try this at all, and it means you are willing to let God shape you and cultivate your hearts. He will shape you in ways you can't imagine, so you would never be able to guess correctly how an exercise like this might turn out, but you can be sure God is using it to mold you because you are open to learning from him through it.
And, as far as being called to wake at 4:30. I can tell you I am DEFINITELY NOT being called to do that. However, I am being called to start a regular time of study and prayer...and I have been putting it off for a while now. So thank you for forcing me to look at that in my own life. Even though it won't be occuring at 4:30. That would be very counter-productive since I am non-functioning at that time! I'm talking dead to the world asleep. At least, whenever I am not having to tend to Lucas at that time.
Thanks for the comments and encouragement! I think you are right. This exercise is looking like it is just the beginning of some changes that need to be made.
I hope that you guys have an outstanding day today!!
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