Finally I Can Eat Out!!

Okay, so that is not really the way I planned on feeling after our 30 day experiement was over, but it was one of the first things I thought this morning!

I am going to change the format a bit for this final post of 30 Days of Nothing (less).

What I Wanted to Learn: I wanted a deeper appreciation for what I have. I wanted us as a family to get a sort of slap in the face wake up call of how blessed we are and how we can better use what we are given. I wanted to gain a better understanding of those that have physical needs that are not being met. Framkly, I wanted myself and my family to become goodwill, peace bearers to all parts of the world, give up much of what we have and help others while maintining our comfortable life. I also thought that I would learn to save abundant amounts of money that I secretly figured I would spend on yours truly.

What I Actually Learned: I will say that I did gain a better appreciation for the blessings that we have been given. I must admit though, what I wanted to learn and what I actually learned are very different. I did not learn to save money, in fact, I don't know how we ever survive when we can shop and eat out. I did learn about once a month cooking and hope to continue that. God had different plans for me during this.

I went through a few stages. To begin with there was excitement and a feeling of anticipation of change. Maybe a bit of self-righteousness thrown in. About a week into it, I started to see things in a way that I was not accustomed to. God started using this to show me some character issues that I really needed to work on. So what did I do, I decided that I would fix them! I read the Bible, talked to people and looked online. I found and read some great things, but I began to see a deeper issue, I was afraid to ask for help. As the days went on, I think I finally realised that I could not fix this and if it would be fixed, I would need His help. I have asked for it now and I know that He will create in me a pure and selfless heart. There are tasks that I must do, but the plan is His and the orders are His.

Final Thoughts: Reading over my blog entries for the past four weeks, I do see a shift in my focus. I began with looking at myself, moved to glancing at others, then shifted to looking at Him while still glancing back at myself. I long to keep my gaze on Him.

I am really excited to share this final thing with you. I had written several times about wanting to long for and experience God in a way that I have yet to experience. The girls and I, minus Emi and William because Emi is sick, were on our way to church this morning. We were planning on only going to class and then heading home. I had the local Christian radio station playing and they were playing their praise and worship music. I felt an overwhelming surge of love and worshipfullness that I began to cry. I told the girls that we would go ahead and stay for service because I just wanted to spend the morning praising Him and I knew going home after class I would clean house and do chores. I did not think about it until later today, but I was longing to be with Him!

So despite my initial wonderings as to whether or not this was a failure for us, I see that God is working through it and in me. I am not the same person I was when I began this 30 days ago. Hopefully I am not the same person in 30 more days than I am today.

Thank you so much for sticking with me through this. I really have appreciated the comments and I must admit that after week one, had I not posted this and had you guys asking me about it, I would have quit. So much would have been missed!

Father, I thank you and praise you for you are the creator of all things good. You take my misguided adventures and turn them into life lessons. You have been patient with me through my mistakes and I know that you celebrate with me when I am able to hear You and follow You! Only You alone are worthy of my praise. Help me lay down my crown at your feet!

Week Three!!!

What I have struggled with: This week was easier. I am still uncertain if that is a bad thing or a good thing. To be honest, knowing that I only have one more week helps. How pathetic is that!! I guess my struggle now is trying to figure out what I am going to take away from this and how that differs with what I thought was going to happen. When I began with this I really had planned on it being an exercise in simplicity and like a financial diet. I wanted us to appreciate what we were blessed with and hopefully to become better givers.

I think that happened in the first week to some extent. I don't really feel like we suffered any and maybe that is what I was expecting more of. This has been very hard, but not for the reasons that I originally thought.

It is easy to appreciate what you have when you have a lot. Frankly, even giving up what we did, we still have a lot. We don't even come close to feeling what those who hunger feel. As far as the financial aspect, there really has been no big change there either. Besides the large savings in groceries, this has just made me wonder how we survive when we do buy all of the junk. There has been no huge savings, probably because several little issues came up that had to be handled, car problems, camp deposits, etc.

So what am I trying to say here? This has not been at all what I had expected. I am struggling with that. When you don't get the desired results from an exercise is that exercise a failure. Maybe in some aspects I have failed with this, but I think there is more to it. I am not sure what that is yet, but I really think there is more.

What my family thought: Brianna has donated almost all of her babysitting money, so I hope that means that she is taking something away from this. I think for the most part, that our eyes are still on us and not Him.

What I have learned: When you look at someone and they are looking back at you, you maintain eye contact with them. When you look at someone and they are looking up, your gaze turns upward. How can I expect my children to maintain an upward gaze when they see me looking more at them?

What I want to learn: Father, keep my eyes on You this week. I can not do it on my own, no matter how hard I try and how much I want to. Cradle my head in Your hands and lift my eyes to You.

Week Two

What I have struggled with: I am still struggling with my selfishness and my inability to ask for help. I continue to be in awe of the things that come to light when you simplify life. I have really struggled to continue this. I think that is obvious by that fact that I went over a week without updating! I hate to admit, but for Mother's Day, I told William all I wanted was an ice cold diet coke from whataburger. How pathetic!! I did realize one thing, we have been still renting movies through all of this. You may wonder why I am just now realizing this, it is they draft out a monthly fee so we don't pay per movie and I had not thought about it!

I have noticed attacks from Satan during this as well. The night we were all to sleep on the floor with not mattress or pillows, I had a horrible back spasm so we passed on that activity. Last Friday we were to have our rice and beans day and I was sick with some type of stomach thingy so we skipped that one too. I really feel pathetic. If it were not for the fact that I have people asking me about this, I would have definitely given up by now.

God is working on me through this, that's for sure! I just hope that I learn and listen.

What my family thought: The girls were really bummed about missing the rice and beans day. I think we will try this again on Friday. Our plan was to have only 1/2 cup of rice for breakfast and lunch with 1/2 cup of beans. The babies of course would eat a normal meal. I wanted us to feel hunger for a few hours and get some good discussions going about it.

What I have learned: THANKFULNESS!!!! I am so thankful for the blessed life I lead. Many of the things I worry about are so trivial!

What I want to learn: I would like some direction in my life as a person, not a mom, wife or teacher, but for Kristi!

Week One!!!

What I have struggled with: I must admit that I am now getting restless. I found myself today thinking, hey I could just do this for another week, two would be enough! I think now that taking away the conveinences are starting to become part of our habits, some real issues are popping up. For one, my selfishness. I am seeing how easily and quickly I skip from thinking about others to thinking about myself and how things will affect my life. For example...I will bake dinner and bring it to so and so. That will make them feel better.....and they will like me more.

I really hate the fact that I fall into that so quickly. I am struggling with that a lot this week. I know that there is only one way to get rid of the selfish thoughts and desires, and that is to ask the Almighty for help, but frankly, I am afraid to do that. Instead I spend my time reading scriptures and thinking about what I can do to fix it and not asking Him for help. Why would I be afraid? you ask. I struggle with the mindset of when you ask God to change something in your life, He does it with a tragedy. My head knows that this is not truth, but my heart is not as knowing.

William and I were talking this week about an issue he was having with Kalli being sick and he told me about something he prayed for. The first thing out of my mouth was, "You don't pray with disclaimers!?" Now, I was slightly kidding, but largely serious. I pray with disclaimers like....God, please build my faith, but please don't teach me with anything involving my children or husband and could you also try to teach me in the small quiet way, I will really try and pay attention. I figure probably every parent feels this to an extent....do any of you feel like this?

Anyway, away from my ramblings and back on topic.....eerrr, I forgot the topic. Oh yes, my selfishness. Well, I am struggling with this right now. I am amazed at how when you peel some of the layers of your everyday life back, how quickly the issues show up!


What my family thought: I must say that I think they are doing better than I am. Brianna and Tori both have such sweet, giving hearts. They would honestly give up whatever was needed to help someone else. Brianna gave up having a birthday party or trip this year and gave her money to a christian group that goes to other countries to provide medical care. My Tori is always sticking up for the underdog! She is normally pretty shy, but when she hears someone speak a hateful word to someone else, she will speak up. Even my sweet Emaleigh left her first team practice this week and said she did not think she wanted to be with that team because they were not nice to one of the little girls on the team. I am so glad that despite my selfishness and all of my flaws, God have given my four babies a heart that yearns for Him.

What I have learned: When I let go of a part of my life to free up for Him, I try to fill it up with something else. This week I have been on the computer soooo much. Reading things, watching free shows. Though my reading was for good things and the shows were great, I am filling my time up instead of "being still and know that I am God." Which is one of my purposes of the exercise in the first place.

I will say though that William and I have had the time for some awesome discussions this week! More about that later :)

What I want to learn: Still the same, I want to yearn for God. I want to think of Him first thing when I wake up and last thing at night and all in between!

Thanks for sticking with me this long!!!